Style Invitational Week 1007: We give you the crossword, you give us the clues

Once again, it's our backward-crossword challenge: We give you the filled-in grid to an actual puzzle -- this one, by Bob Klahn of the CrosSynergy syndicate, ran Aug. 12 on washingtonpost.com -- and you come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the grid. Yes, we noticed that there aren't any numbers in the grid -- that's because you don't need them, silly; just list each word along with your clue for it. The clues should be brief, but they need not be as short as f...