Trained Soviet Attack Dolphins With Head-Mounted Guns Are On The Loose

Would suggest running, but it's already too late, probably. Last year, the Ukrainian Navy decided to reinstitute a Soviet-era dolphin training program. Specifically, according to reports, the dolphins had pistols and knives strapped to their heads and were taught to use them. Because, you know, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. Anyway, some of the dolphins have apparently escaped from their trainers (because of course they were going to escape, Ukraine) and into the Black Sea, possibly on the prowl ...