Style Invitational Week 1054: Dead Letters -- our obit poem contest; plus the year in redo

Mikhail Kalashnikov has died. He designed the AK-47.  Let's hope Saint Peter lets him slide  (After all, he helped fill Heaven!). As we welcome Little Squalling Infant 2014, it's the Style Invitational's tradition to mark the other end of the life "cycle" by "honoring," in verse, those who just missed the chance to assist in the delivery. This week: Write a short, humorous poem commemorating someone (or maybe even something) who died in 2013, as in the example above from Washington Post Od...