Insufferable Craigslist Guy Demands To Know Who Took A Shit On His Tesla Model X

Everyone in Chicago, please, stop what you're doing right now. There's an emergency, and we need everybody's help. A man's Tesla Model X has been shat upon, and we must help find this rampaging car-shitter, who is still at large. At least, that's what this Craigslist ad tells us.