My wife's away - but still our son refuses to make me number one | Séamas O'Reilly

I'm little more than the support act to his mum. Now the boy is making eyes at Grandad, too 'Everything is fine here,' I say on a videocall to my wife. I haven't seen her for four days . I'm not even looking at her now, too distracted by that rectangle in the corner of the screen, which contains my own sleep-deprived face. I know images taken with a front-facing camera are never flattering, but this is ridiculous. There's room to plant marrows in the bags under my eyes, and my jowels are so shap...